Visiting one of my favorite coffee shops in Honolulu, I saw this large sign at the entrance: NO, we do not have Wi-Fi. Pretend it is 1995 and talk to the person sitting next to you!
At my second favorite dining place last night, a man was telling a Portagee joke. Brought back many memories, so here are some of my most funny ones from Frank De Lima: How can you tell there’s a Portagee at a cockfight? He enters a duck! … How can you tell which one at the fight is the Portagee’s cousin? He bets on the duck! … What’s Portagee car insurance called? It’s called “My Fault!” Gotta tell you two more and I know you are loving’ it! How can you tell a Portagee computer operator? He’s the one with Wite-Out on the screen! … What’s the difference between a rich Portagee and a poor one? The rich Portagee has two cars jacked up in his front yard!
Now, some for all you out there with young kids! … When asked about a picture of an octopus, 6-year-old Kelly says, “This is an octopus. See, it has eight testicles!” … Mike, age 7: “If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all around you, you are incontinent!” … William, age 7, is explaining to a friend: “When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. When the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans!” Enough?
OK, for all you women out there who are not real happy about the latest Supreme Court nominee, send an email to “WhiteHouse.gov!” This judge could roll back the rights and freedoms for women, workers, LGBTQ Americans and many others. Wait! That’s not a joke! Now back to business. Sorry, to those of you I have offended!
The following are signs on very large posters that started in Seattle’s Wallingford area at a convenience store. They are all great smile makers: If Attacked By A Mob Of Clowns, Go For The Juggler! … Ban-Pre-Shred Cheese. Make America Grate Again! … The Past, Present &Future Walk Into A Bar. It Was Tense! … What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice? … Practice Safe Eating. Always Use Condiments! … If You Think Education Is Costly, Try Ignorance! … I Checked Into The Hokey Pokey Clinic And I Turned Myself Around! … And the grand finale: My Wife Said I Never Listen To Her, Or Something Like That!
OK, my friends, be happy and pay it forward! Aloha, a hui hou.